Panic

Run. Hide. Stop. Scream. Come back, what are you doing? Look around. Gaze at mirror, feel tightness in chest.  Breath heavily. Your chest is pounding. This has never happened before, what if it’s something serious? Nobody is with you. Nobody cares about you. You try to talk, but nothing comes out. You have another coughing fit. You see the room spinning; you grab your cell phone. You fall to the floor. You cough up blood.

The world goes black.

You wake up. Your head is aching. You can barley move. You don’t know why you’re on the floor. You try to talk, but instead gargle out an  “ok I should do something.” You pick up your cell phone and dial the numbers 9-1-1.

“9-1-1 what’s your emergency?” you hear a women’s voice.

It takes all the strength you have to say “I’m at my house, 430 Clark drive…I fainted and coughed up blood…I don’t know what’s.…happening… help. Please.

“How long were you unconscious for?” the lady asked

“ I… don’t know.”  The world goes black

You wake up to the sound of sirens, some EMTS rush into the building and hoist you up on a cot. One man asks

“Miss are you ok, can you speak?”

“I… I think so.” You say “I don’t know what happened. One minute I was fine, the next I’m on the floor having a coughing fit.” your voice sounds feeble.

“Ok, we’ll be at the ER soon.”

A while later you open your eyes to a crisp white light blazing above you. A woman with long blonde hair in scrubs comes over to you.

“Hi honey, are you ok, can you tell us what happened.”

“I told the man in the Ambulance, I fainted and coughed up blood, my chest was pounding, I feel a little better now though.”

“Ok honey, can you tell me if you’re on any medications?”

“I… I’m on Spironolactone and Estradiol.”

“Aren’t those female hormones? Why are you on those.”

“Because…I’m transgender.” You say weakly.

“Oh.. um.. ok.” The woman says, you could hear a muffled giggle coming from her “ Any drugs or alcohol tonight?”

“Not that I know of. I was having a panic attack earlier though.”

“Oh ok, well were just going to have you wait over in the corner and sleep for a little bit to see if anything happens.” The women says with a grin on her face.

The woman walks over to the nurse’s counter and begins talking loudly to the other nurses and laughing. You see her point in your direction and say “Yeah, he or she or It said it was transgender? Can you believe that, what a joke.”

Your face goes numb. You start having a coughing fit, you struggle to breath. Your chest is pounding. Nobody is coming. Nobody cares. The nurses at the counter are giggling and ignoring you.

Run. Hide. Stop.Scream.

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